Damn You
by wereleopard
Summary: Jack finds it hard to say goodbye to the man he loves. The pain and loss consume him. Story lottery challenge a flash of lightening


bTitle:/b Damn You

bAuthor:/b Werelopard58

bFandom:/bTorchwood

bCharacters:/b Captain Jack Harkness,

bPairing:/bJanto

bGenre:/b Romance

bRating:/bPG

bPrompt:/ba flash of lightneing lj user="story_lottery"

bSummary:/bJack finds it hard to say goodbye to the man he loves. The pain and loss consume him

bSpoilers:/bAll of Torchwood, Dr Who and the Deadline radio play

bWarning(s):/bm/m

bWord Count:/b 1092

bDisclaimer:/b I do not own anything belonging to Torchwood or Dr Who

Jack had been travelling for months but now he was back, but he still wasn't ready for this. He stood at the gates of the cemetery, his hands clenched together so tightly his nails were biting into his palms. He could still remember that dreadful night so very clearly as if it was only yesterday. It made him the shell of the man he once was. The night that shattered his heart into a million pieces, the night he lost the man he loved Ianto Jones.

Ianto had managed to get through the wall he created around his heart. He had been hurt so many times Jack couldn't keep living through it. So, he became the man who never promised a relationship and he made it clear to those who were still interested that it would be entertainment, sexual fun and games with no emotional entanglement.

When the Doctor and Rose had left him on satellite 9, he had thought that was the worst pain that he could ever have, then he Rose had died. But, in truth nothing compared to what he felt as Ianto died in his arms.

Ianto was a Welshman who wore a suit well, who was quiet but seemed to know when you needed something. He managed to hide a cyberwoman in the basement, could use a stun gun with the best of them. Who needed comfort just like he did and that was how it all started but it didn't stay that way somehow feelings managed to get in involved and before either of them knew it they were in love and even now, through all the pain Jack wouldn't change that for the world.

He once said that Ianto Jones would never be a blip in time and Jack meant that with every fibre of his being.

The rain poured down heavily from the sky, thunder clashed. A flash of lightening zig zagged through the darkness, it cut through the night so Jack could see everything as he made his way to the spot where his beloved was.

He stared down at the headstone of his love, tears mingling with droplets of rain. His great coat heavy with water weighing him down but that was nothing compared to the weight on his soul. The anger and the pain ran through his body.

Jack moved to the headstone and kicked it, screaming as loudly as he could. It was a horrific sound of someone who had lost everything. "Damn you Ianto, I hate you." He yelled. As soon as he couldn't make another sound he sank to the ground. "Why did you leave me, I wasn't ready. It was too soon. I never had the chance to show you, to tell you I…."

The heart-wrenching sobs broke out of him. There was nothing he could do. Life was unfair. Jack knew that one day he was going to lose Ianto but not now they had so many things they had to do, together. Things that were never going to happen not now, not ever. Why did they have to be this way?

What was he going to do now? Where was he going to go? Jack couldn't stay here not with all of these memories. It was too hard, at the moment he had no idea how he was going to survive this loneliness it was unbearable.

Jack did have one thing left to do, he had to say goodbye to Gwen. He didn't want to see her but he had no real choice.

XXXXX

It didn't take long for Jack to get a message back from Gwen telling him that she and Rhys would meet up. So he stood on the hillside waiting. Everything had been planned. Jack had to run as fast and as far as he could. There was no turning back, maybe one day he could come back. When he could bare all the memories of what he had lost.

Jack smiled fondly as Gwen slowly made her way to him. Being pregnant definitely suited her.

"Are you ever coming back Jack?" Gwen asked watching him carefully, praying that he would not go.

"What for...?" Jack asked there wasn't really anything left for him here now.

"For me...It wasn't your fault!" Gwen's eyes were wide, tears fell...

Jack couldn't stay for her she had a child on the way and Rhys the man who loved her unconditionally. "I think it was..." His heart broke at what he lost Steven his grandson, Ianto his love. Tosh and Owen his family not to mention what had happened with Gray and now there was no chance of helping him. Everything was gone.

"Noo..." Gwen sobbed.

"Steven, and Ianto, and Owen, and Tosh and Suzie and...all of them...Because  
of me!" He wanted to explain that it was his decisions in life that had got them to this point.

"But y-you saved us! Didn't you!" Gwen pleaded hoping that she could persuade him to stay; she wasn't ready to let him go.

"I began to like it. And look what I became. Still...I have lived so many  
lives...it's time to find another one."

Jack flicks open his wrist strap and sends out a signal. It was time to go.

"But they die and I am so sorry Jack ....You can not just run away. Can not run  
away..." Gwen didn't know what she would do without him; she had lost the others just like him.

"Oh, yes I can. Just watch me!" With a flash of light he disappears into the sky.

XXXXX

Jack stood at the window staring at the nothingness. It was how he felt inside, empty. People had tried to talk to him, to flirt. All he wanted was to be left alone. It wasn't time to pretend to heal. All he wanted to do was wallow in his self pity.

One day he would pretend everything was ok. He would smile and joke but inside he would continue dying until eventually it truly happened and then he could be with Ianto and at that point he would be whole again.


End file.
